Swapping Old Poems

Monday, 28 July, 2014. -( 21˚C / 70˚F @ 11:00 pm in our neck of the woods. )-

I think the following is actually the first poem that I’d written that Doug ever saw. (it was not quite all the way out of the typewriter when Doug stumbled onto it.) (I hardly ever left stuff lying around like that where just any weirdo (( who would have had to been let in, or broken in, or invited – in this case )) could happen to glance the wrong way and realize I wrote poetry now and then. Most of the guys I worked with in those days would have respected the hell out of a porn writer, but would have stepped a couple steps back and wondered how far they were from the nearest door if they know I wasn’t afraid to write poetry.)


       from a bus
                and its many meanings
(armies of idiots smiling
at something they know
but couldn’t understand)
                while many of our good ford’s cars
                string home with
                     how many
                telephone wires for guides
to how many
         finite kitchens
dining rooms and
smiling drunk barbecues and
back yards full of screaming kids and
         “EXIT 4 THREE MILES”
wives who love
         “ONE WAY”
or nag, depending
         “GO RIGHT”
on how long
their marriage has lasted
         “NEXT EXIT 2 MILES”

—————Jim Wellington (1970)


I had typed this on my old electric (suitcase model) portable typewriter. I don’t remember the make or model, but I do remember it was light blue in colour.

Both Doug and I were feeling dumped by our ‘significant others’ (but I had no idea at that time, that he’d been married and forgot something on his way to work, came home to get it and caught his wife ((Now ex-wife)) emptying their house and about to run off “with a van full of crazies from some whacko California Evangelic Christian Commune” with their daughter in tow. Doug, a security guard with a license to carry firearms, was in uniform with the gun on his hip and the crazies took off in a hurry. His wife ran out the back door and across a couple neighbours’ back yards and jumped in the van and left the baby in her car seat on the kitchen table.) So Doug’s suffering was a whole lot deeper and more profound than mine at the time. I hadn’t had a clue.

I also didn’t realize he’d read the piece of paper in the typewriter until a couple days later when he handed me one of his poems (and swore me to secrecy, the company he worked for might not trust a gun toting poet to guard their clients in those days ((1991-ish?)) )


Reincarnation & Past Life Regression?

Monday, July 21, 2014.  ( Sue (Née Morse) Rhonda D. and Tony S. All have birthdays today. &  My Sister Sharon’s Second Marriage’s Anniversary)


I’m listening to Coast To Coast A.M.  Richard Syrett is interviewing / talking to a past life regression therapist named Dr. Elena Gabor. I’m not perfectly happy to accept everything she is saying. She also admitted that a family member of hers became fascinated with the idea of hypnosis to reveal past lives after reading a book by Dr Bruce Goldberg. ( I’ll add a link to his sites later. ) I saw Dr Goldberg, I talked to him, I don’t believe everything he says either. But he is intriguing and so is the subject.

I’m one of those people who had to try to understand what life is all about, as a thirteen year old I cried myself to sleep quite a few times in deep despair, deeply troubled by the idea that there might not be a point to all this life stuff, there might not be a God, life might just stop when you die. But I had beliefs and attitudes, propensities and all that, which could not be explained as having come from anything that happened in this life. (I also had conversations with Rock and Roll Musicians inside their homes in England while I was asleep, that I almost dismissed as pure dream, pure fantasy, but then I saw a photograph of their house and it was exactly what I’d seen in the dream. I was also aware that the person I was talking to was not entirely comfortable with the fact that I was inside his house talking to him, and he tried to get rid of me by telling me I would really like his next album, which I didn’t like. It might have gone in weird new directions, but there was only one cut on the album I could relate to and wanted to hear again. But I should skip this bit because, unless that musician and I knew each other in a previous life or something, it isn’t exactly on topic. Any INFJ worth her salt would be screaming at me while I would be silently chanting to myself, “deliver us from INFJ’s”… )  (Please pardon the obscure reference to a love that was probably doomed from the start.)

Back on Topic.

When you “have the bug” or “the disease” that compels you to dive deeply into life’s deeper mysteries and you can’t go on without doing everything you can to uncover the truth- This intensity creates what has been called a “Magnetic Centre” You attract similar people and if you’re lucky, you recognize that they have the same affliction / disease / deeply seated interest that is driving you and when you find the guts to bring up subjects that might get you laughed out of the company of friends you value, you get to have some interesting, deep, sometimes inspiring, conversations.

This is what I’ve come to believe:

You can only prove the validity of reincarnation for yourself, to yourself. One of the most highly evolved persons I met in this life told me, “When you are evolved enough to leave your body at will, you can travel in time. You can follow yourself back in time to see who you were. You can also travel forward in time to see who you will probably be.” He also explained to somebody else who was more ‘into Yoga’ than I was at the time, basically the same thing, but he added, “When you can meditate deeply enough to see the perfect five-pointed star in the middle of your forehead, then you can travel upward, leave your body and travel anywhere you want to go, including traveling back and forth in time.” (I tried real hard to meditate like that and only saw the star once, I was amazed, a bit shocked to think it looked like the symbol used by the US Air Force, went up through it, saw myself kissing somewhere with a very clear background. saw this person from the side, she had long dark brown hair, I thought I found her a couple times, but no, Not until I was in my fifties (daw gone it) But so far, she was very much worth waiting for.) I have to say that when I reached that state of mind, it was so overpowering that I later thought I couldn’t remember what I wanted to do while I was ‘There”- if my life depended on it. Maybe if I’d been able to keep going that deep on a regular basis, I wouldn’t have been quite so overpowered and awestruck and I might have been able to go places and do things.

So, I’m an Experientialist, { If you haven’t experienced something, it doesn’t exist in your model of the world, this life or whatever. }

And part of my experientialist journey through this life time includes visiting previous lives in dreams. I’ve been to Paris (where I was an artist a couple of life times back, where my sister from this life was in love with a jerk who always had to be the centre of attention, she married him this time around, he turned out to be a complete jerk, hit her with his fists more than once and was last seen running up the street, afraid  for his life with the real love of my sister’s life hot on his heals.) India (where I was trying to get to see Emporer Krishna to tell him about somebody who was abusing power), Egypt (where I was initiated by meditating in pitch blackness at a particular spot beneath the Great Pyramid), and Atlantis ( where a sagacious masculine voice explained that I was trying to help the animal-human hybrids (( Cross breeding experiments, who had been used as slave labour )) ((( Edgar Cayce said they were referred to as the ‘Things” ))) . Several of them rebelled in a bid to gain the same rights as humans and while I was trying to bring them food and morale support, the army moved in and pushed them all over a very high cliff, and pushed me off with them. The very wise voice explained that this incident is what caused my rebellious streak, and leads me not to trust the military and authoritarian types in general. )

I’ve also dreamed about running out into the rain in pure elation on the banks of the Seine River in Paris and later saw photos that looked very much like what I dreamed.

I’ve gone to parts of this country I have never been to before and knew exactly what I would see on the other side of a mountain.

I have had my world shaken up in both positive and not so comfortable ways when meeting someone for the first time in this life and come to the conclusion that this person must have been important to me in a previous life.

I’ve also dreamed that I was being given a tour of ‘Heaven’ and I was extraordinarily disappointed because it looked way too much like this world. (( When I complained to somebody about that, I was reminded that Somebody said, “In my Father’s house, there are many mansions.” Which, my friend believed, means that there are all kinds of worlds and dimensions and levels. There may be areas of the Astral universe that look a lot like our physical universe. There are supposed to be three distinct universes, the physical, the astral and the causal. There may be something else beyond the Causal Universe, but we’re not supposed to know what that might be while we’re here. ))

Does this prove anything? Ask me when you see me “on the Other Side”. 🙂

——— d.j.o. ——


Wednesday, May 14, 2014  (I posted this on a friend’s blog while I was visiting in Canada and forgot to bring my own passwords for this blog with me… shame on me?)


Wednesday, May 14, 2014.

Jeeze- wouldn’t it would be nice if we were able to trust that anybody in government or the corporate media would actually tell us the truth about anything?

1.) Scrolling headlines on CBC morning show: “Fair Elections Act passes third reading in House of Commons” … My feelings on this? If this bill is passed and signed into law they might as well remove the Maple Leaf from the Canadian Flag and replace it with a Swastika ( the WWII version, not the original Sanskrit ).

2.) Re: Lac Mégantic: Last Evening: Television News showed 3 employees of the MM&A Railroad being led into court securely handcuffed and accompanied by uniformed police. There was a radio news account which reported that a heavily armed SWAT team broke into one of those human beings’ home, knocked him down and cuffed him (hands behind his back). This reminds me of a movie based on a real World War One incident in which a general was upset that his men had not been able to take and hold some arbitrary objective, so he had 3 random soldiers shot as an example. (In the movie, one of these soldiers was a good soldier and a decent human being who was hand picked by a corrupt officer.) — What this seems to me is: From the top down: Conservative Politiks spread dis-information about revenue and the cost of programmes that actually protect or help anybody so they can pull the funds away from social programmes and funnel it into their own pockets. (( http://www.cafr1.com )) —> Greedy Corporate Executives do their best to get rid of as many employees as they can ((( and they don’t seem to realize that, in their quest to force everyone they can into $lavery, there will be nobody left to support them by paying for their products or services ))). —> Conservative Governments De-Funding and Cutting away at Regulatory Enforcement Budgets make sure there aren’t enough inspectors to make sure the industries are acting in accordance with safety laws and/or Ethics and/or Human Decency. —> Corporations (( in this case the railroads )) try to run their operations with the absolute smallest number of employees they can get away with (( which ends up becoming illegal, immoral and dangerous to say the least )). —> overworked, underpaid employees are stressed beyond belief and probably can’t do enough to ensure the safe operation of their jobs. —> So when the ‘fit hits the shan’, as in Lac Mégantic, and mourning survivors look for answers and sometimes, justice, the corporate ‘big wigs’ look for someone to blame and try to charge employees way down their ‘corporate food chain’ with negligence and failure to properly do their job (( after making damned sure they can’t properly do their jobs in the first place )) and throw innocent employees to the wolves, laughing all the way to their banks, convinced that ‘John Q Public’ is too stupid to look behind the curtain, and probably much too stupid ( and/or stressed and/or exhausted )  to even notice that there is a curtain. If anybody needs to hang for this, it really should be the nasty S.O.B.’s who actually caused the situation to deteriorate to the current state of the industry and its infrastructure- and don’t forget the lobbyists who spend more money on making sure that corporations remain ‘an ingenious invention to ensure maximum profits with zero personal liability’. —> If anyone is guilty of negligence causing death- you’d better start with politicians of the ilk of Stephen Harper, include every corporate executive on the planet, and then add anybody who invests in corporations whose bottom lines are more important to them than the health, well being ( and life, liberty and pursuit of happiness ) of their employees and customer base.

3.) ((( a poem begins on the next line down )))

( don’t hold your breath )

  • a general
  • in a drunken rage
  • demands
  • his armies take an impossible objective
  • -one thousand soldiers die in minutes
  • -front line officers order a retreat
  • the humiliated general
  • blames those officers and soldiers
  • for ‘his’ defeat
  • and has three officers
  • and twenty ‘regular’ soldiers shot
  • If history blames the general
  • then Truth miraculously wins
  • (don’t hold your breath)
  • —douglas j otterson


—enough for today?


PayPal Just cost me $60.00 in bogus fees and there is no way to complain to them about that.

Tuesday, July 1st, 2014.

My friends in Canada are celebrating their National Holiday. (Canada Day)

& PayPal just cost me sixty bucks in fees and charges in a bank account I deleted from my account there (PayPal Account) and there is no way to send them feedback to complain about that.


I had a computer die on me after a blackout must have hit at the worst possible moment.

While trying to decide whether to replace the dead computer or chuck it, maybe drop it from a nice tall building and record the crash for YouTube, I checked through ebay and found something at a really good price that would fill my needs.

I got all the way through the payment process when PayPal refused to accept my password.

I had a hell of a time changing my password. But it finally took.

Then pay pal wanted to use a bank account I haven’t used in a couple years.

I went into my settings and preferences in the pay pal account and deleted that bank information.

PayPal told me that information was deleted, gone, no good any more.

I entered new bank information. New bank account, new debit card, new credit card.

PayPal told me I had successfully updated my information.

I clicked on the account I wanted to use, I clicked on “pay this bill”

The page refreshed and told me payment had gone through and it told me it had gone through from the bank account it had just assured me it had deleted.

I tried to send feedback.

I got a message from PayPal saying it couldn’t respond to my feedback, I had to go to some weird form on their website that I could not get to from here.

I sent a message to the guy I bought the replacement computer from, explained what was happening and asked him to let me know if the payment was refused or anything like that.

He responded with positive ebay feedback thanking me for quick payment and I got a notification that the computer was on its way. It was supposed to take one to seven work days to get here.

The computer got here in two days. I went to ebay and gave the guy who sold me the computer five stars and checked all my bank accounts and couldn’t find any record of any transactions or aborted transactions or bounce fees or anything.

Eight days later I got email from paypal explaining that my payment had not gone through.

I found a phone number and called it. Spent maybe five minutes listening to Musack. The human being who answered my call knew who I was and what phone I was calling from when she connected on her end, she asked me to confirm that I was me and wanted to know why I called. I told her I was looking at an email message that said the payment had not gone through. I told her I had gotten a message saying that the payment had gone through from the account I had deleted and got confirmation that it was deleted and tried to contact them back then.

She said, “Okay, the payment had gone through on the new credit card I had entered after deleting the old account. Everything was fine.”

Yesterday (Now we are 4 days past the conversation I had with the human being connected to PayPal) I got a message in email asking me to take a very short survey and tell them how my telephone conversation had gone.

I checked my bank accounts. I found that they had tried to put the payment through on the deleted account twice and the old bank that I keep like fifty dollars in had bounced the payment twice, charged $20 dollars the first time and $40 the second time.

I was not happy,

I went to my email message and clicked on the link to take their survey.

A web page popped up with the message, “We’re sorry, the survey you are trying to access is no longer available.”

I went crazy again, clicking on every ‘Contact Us’ link on PayPal and all those links connect to is Frequently Asked Question bull shit. I could find no way to leave them a nasty message telling them their mistakes have cost me sixty dollars.

So I’ll do that here.

PayPal deserves to go bankrupt in the worst possible way. Everybody who works for PayPal deserves to be publicly humiliated in the worst possible fashion.

If I believed there really was a Hell I’d want to see them all suffer there.

Pies in all their faces would not be a bad enough punishment.

I don’t believe in sending goons around to break arms and legs, but I’ll tell you- I’m starting to think that might not be that bad an idea…


I don’t know what else to say.



Never Say….

Okay, so the road to you know where is paved with good intentions.

Yes, I really thought I could post something here, if not every day, then at least on a more regular basis.

I had to go get glasses and my VA Representative ‘strongly urged’ me to get bifocals. (Ack!) Ya think they may be trying to control me so I won’t say anything bad about them? Shrug…. could be…

And I fell into a two for one sale and bought a pair of just plain reading glasses. (too much GMO food ingredients lately?) So I need the [!@*&^^%#%$#%&^^*^(*!!!] reading glasses to do any computer work for any length of time, and that’s a pain, and if I forget I’m wearing the damned things and stand up I look around and really think I must be doing something right, because AAAAAAAAaaaa! I’m going blind… (take the glasses off silly…. no, you’re not going blind, you’re doing fine… just keep eating all that poisoned glucose/fructose stuff and all that wonderful Monsanto poison and remember, Monsanto Engineers have it in their contract that they will not allow any Genetically Modified Food in their cafeterias.) (And I thought my friend had lost it when he told me, years ago, that he developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome as soon as the GMO stuff hit the shelves, what? in the late 80’s?)


(Same guy also warned me about bifocals and “Be careful going down stairs-” & Yikes, he’s right about that, too.)

Um, yeah, and Rachel says I’m having senior moments and that scares me to death, but- I just wrote all of the above because I came here with something to say and as soon as the computer was ready, my mind went blank.

Barbara Marciniak, (Author of “Bringers of the Dawn” and a couple other Must Read Books) says that not so friendly, controlling-manipulating Extra-Terrerstrials influenced inventors to develop computers that ran on frequencies that interfered with human brain functions. I think I’m ready to believe that one, too.

So- Tune in next time, I’m going to have to start writing things down as they come to me during the day so I can remember what I wanted to rant about here…

(Grumble, grumble)